FALL TV PREMIERE WEEK: Summer Recap & Monday!

It’s that time again! When all the TV whores of the world stop returning phone calls, decline invitations to weekday gatherings, card games and bowling leagues, and ignore their children’s pleas for help with their homework to sit down, get comfy and enjoy the Fall TV Premiere Week.

And as one of their leaders, I feel it is my responsibility – nay, my God-given duty – to give all the others out there a day-by-day breakdown of the new TV season.

I know this summer has been rough. Even I started going to the gym on Wednesday and Friday nights because of the lack of anything on television. However, I found quite a few bright spots in TV Land this summer that kept me glued. First, there was Big Brother – which became my nightly addiction. Not only did I watch Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesdays at 8pm, but I went to sleep watching Big Brother After Dark on Showtime most nights at 2am. And I was very happy with the outcome of that show!

But the real guilty pleasures of mine this summer were TNT’s awesome Monday night combo of The Closer and new favorite show Rizzoli and Isles. I’m a sucker for a hot chick who can kick my ass, and Angie Harmon has been a crush of mine since her Law and Order days. I think it’s because she’s genuinely a nice person and she has really good comic and dramatic timing. Best new show on TV this summer (and better than pretty much any show that premiered on the networks last year!).  Can’t wait until next summer when they are back (though The Closer will have 7 or 8 new episodes starting in December I think). Covert Affairs was OK, and got another season, but was too light for me. Memphis Beat – Sorry, not for me. Ever since Jason Lee became a scientologist, I just don’t find him watchable. But it got renewed for a second season too and will return next summer.

I’ve also been watching the new season of Weeds and The Big C, though usually catching it at odd times or On Demand.  Mark my words now – Laura Linney wins the Emmy. It’s not even close. And of course, there was Entourage and True Blood. I was all ready to hate True Blood this season as I kinda thought they jumped the shark, but it was still really good. Even though it’s sad what they did to Stephen Moyer’s vamp-hero character, next season should be pretty cool.  If you’re not watching this show, go rent the DVD and give it 4 episodes and you’ll be hooked! Thank me later.

My other summer addiction/guilty pleasure– and this one I’m not so proud of – is anything Bravo. Yes, that’s right – I don’t have a vagina, but I do watch Bravo. And I don’t just mean the okay-for-men-to-watch Top Chef – which is awesome even though this season was its weakest in years. But no – I don’t stop there.  I love those damn Housewives! And I have a ridiculous crush on Bethenny Frankel, so you can bet I was watching her solo show. Kathy Griffin? Pure Gold. Rachel Zoe, yup – ba-nanas. Flipping Out? You bet I do. It doesn’t matter what it is, I’ll watch it…that’s what makes one a true TV whore.

Okay, so that was summer…but as the leaves turn, so do the stations…

Monday night saw the official premiere of a bunch of new shows. Was I excited? You betcha! So, here’s the breakdown by show along with my guesses on how long the show will last. And of course, my recommendation for if it’s worth watching…

ABC –

DANCING WITH THE STARS– Brisol Palin, America’s youngest whore hottie, put on some dancing shoes and shook her stuff. But the night belonged to Dirty Dancing star Jennifer Grey who mentioned Patrick Swayze more times than People Magazine. I’m not saying it was a cheap grab at the emotional vote, but it worked on me. Plus, she was pretty good. Combine that with The Drunken Hoff, Kurt Warner, Vehicular homicide’s own Brandy, Audrina Patridge, and the disgusting excuse for talent known as The Situation, and this season is already ahead of last fall’s season! Obviously this one ain’t going anywhere, so give in and watch it…If you don’t, Sarah Palin will hunt you down and shoot you from her helicopter.

CASTLE – One of my two favorite new shows from last season (along with The Good Wife) is back and better than ever. While I thought the tension between the two stars was solved too quickly and easily and could have been played out over 2 episodes, I just love Nathan Fillion and Stana Katic and together, they are just good fun! If you’re not watching Castle, you’re missing a great show. It premiered very well, so this one’s here to stay for the season. And by the way…if anyone knows the girl who plays Castle’s gorgeous red-headed daughter…I want to marry her.

CBS -

MIKE AND MOLLY – It’s this decade’s version of Roseanne except it starts when Roseanne meets Dan instead of after they are already married with kids. It’s funny and self-deprecating and Melissa McCarthy is so damn likeable. But the whole goal of the show is for these two people to fall in love as they try to lose weight. Chuck Lorre, the CBS God (who was also behind Roseanne) knows what makes fat people funny. And it premiered well enough, so expect this one to stick around the whole season, but second season will depend on if people tune in to watch 2 fat people make out. Without Jillian Michaels yelling at them.

HAWAII 5-0 – I’ll be honest, I didn’t watch this one (yet) because I find that I have an overwhelming urge to smack Scott Caan in the mouth. But Alex O’Laughlin has had 3 cancelled series in 4 years and he needs one to stick. It premiered VERY nicely in the timeslot and will definitely be around til midseason (too much promotion behind it not to stick for a while), but after that, who knows. Reviews have been great and it seems to be a good show.

FOX -

HOUSE – One of my favorite shows despite coming off a largely lackluster season. After Amber and Kutner died, I’m not sure the show didn’t jump the shark. But House is sober, he’s bangin’ Cutty and all is right with the world…right? Well, not really because Olivia Wilde and Jennifer Morrison both left the show leaving the painfully bland Jesse Spencer and the bored-to-still-be-on-the-show Omar Epps. The only bright spot? Peter Jacobson! Plus Hugh Laurie’s always awesome. So, hopefully this season will pull it out!

LONE STAR – You hear that? That’s the sound of a Fox executive getting fired for thinking this show was a good idea! Not only did it BOMB last night worse than the lowest expectation, but it got the lowest ratings of ANY show on ANY major network. And no, I didn’t watch it, because it looked AWFUL. Here’s an anatomy of a stupid idea for a TV show: A con man (played by a no-name actor) who is two-timing two women – a wife and a girlfriend – and bilking them both out of their family’s money to make his asshole father happy. And all of a sudden, he gets a conscience – and we’re supposed to care!? Did Fox execs REALLY think that in this economic climate, men would want to watch a show about a guy who cheats people out of money in a con man scheme? And that WOMEN would want to watch a show about a guy who is cheating on his wife and girlfriend? And Keith David and Jon Voight are great actors, but neither of them make the top 200 most likeable actors list. This show had NOTHING going for it. I give it ONE more week. Don’t bother tuning in.

NBC –

CHUCK – I’ll be honest, I never got into this show. It was brought back from death twice now and looks to be around all season, but unless it posts huge gains (unlikely), this will probably be its last season. I know it’s fun, but opposite DWTS and House, it’s just not good enough to make the must-see list for me.

THE EVENT – This was one of the biggest, most hyped, most advertised show of the new season. It’s supposed to be the new big serial like Lost or Flashforward (hopefully more like the former than the cancelled after 1 season latter). It’s Jason Ritter (who is likeable enough and I really enjoyed him on the too-short-lived comedy “The Class”), Laura Innes (love her from ER), Blair Underwood (seriously – does EVERY President on TV have to be Black just to make the point that no one is racist?), and the sublime Zeljko Ivanek (from Damages, but I’ve been a fan since the early 90s when he was on Homicide!). It was good – it made me want to watch another week. It’s got a sci-fi twist (sci-fi like Lost) and lots of interesting plot lines and it debuted BIG for NBC – best ratings in the time slot in years. So, with all the money behind this show, it’s here to stay for a while. Tune in and check it out. I’m not TOTALLY hooked yet, but I’ll keep watching until it unhooks me. Or maybe like Lost, I’ll be crying at its series finale 7 years from now.

CHASE – Seemingly completely procedural action-packed show in the vein of The Fugitive but with a kick ass blond chick doing the hunting and the fighting. Despite the always completely assholic Cole Hauser by her side, Kelli Giddich did a nice job and she’s likeable and easy to watch. I’m not sure it’s got enough steam or originality to last, but I give it 10 episodes until the network pulls it. It did perform better than Trauma and Mercy last season, but not by much and they only got full season pickups because of the Leno debacle. So, now without Leno in the way, NBC has no one to blame but themselves.

OTHER – How I Met Your Mother and Two & A Half Men (which, now that the kid is bigger than Jon Cryer needs to be retitled 3 Friggin Men) came back on…It’s unreal – Charlie Sheen could literally take a shit on a baby and post the video on YouTube and people would still tune in to watch him knock out cheesy one-liners and swarmy looks at the camera. It had HUGE ratings– biggest show of the night. So since he won’t – I’ll thank the fly-over states for Charlie. Thanks!

Ok folks, that was just Monday…I’ll be back tomorrow with Tuesday’s wrap up! Stay tuned!

The Emmys 2010: Winners, Losers, Upsets and Analysis

By Danny Manus

As I said before, the Emmys are like my Christmas…if I wasn’t Jewish. And they are even better now that they are LIVE on the West Coast, which wasn’t the case until 2 years ago. This year, since the show aired on NBC, Jimmy Fallon was the host. And the network was counting on big ratings this year with new popular shows Glee, Modern Family and True Blood up for big awards.

But alas, even the Gleeks couldn’t save the Emmys, which posted basically the same ratings as last year, and even went DOWN 2% in the young demo. After watching the telecast I honestly don’t know what more the show could do to get people to tune in besides fill it with musical numbers – oh wait, they did that. Well perhaps they could get big stars like George Clooney to – oh wait, they did that too.  Hmm…maybe they should have just built a boxing ring and let Conan and Jay go at it. Eh, maybe not. Hey, maybe we can just make Justin Bieber the star of every fucking show on Earth…and then watch me kill myself. Or maybe they should just take out some of the miniseries and TV Movie awards which are so utterly boring – and no one in the targeted demo watches them anyway. And instead, put in more comedy.

The first 90 minutes of the show were possibly the best Emmys I have seen in years. I know some people didn’t like the graphics flashing in the background, and maybe purple wasn’t the BEST color palette choice, but I think it was better than the Oscars bland white design. Besides, this was a big year for gays on TV, and the biggest demo to watch awards shows like the Emmys are the gays, so perhaps purple was the perfect choice.

Speaking of which, I loved Neil Patrick Harris last year and would love to see him again, but Jimmy Fallon did his thing and his musical interludes and opening were fantastic. His ode to the shows that have passed on – 24, Law & Order and Lost – was great. If the second half of the show gave him more to do, perhaps the fun could have lasted. But alas, as soon as HBO started winning things, the air was sucked out of the show like a hoover was attached to the roof. 

But let’s rewind. First up was comedy and Modern Family ruled the night with wins for Best Comedy and Eric Stonestreet (I called it!) for best supporting. While he wasn’t the favorite to win (and personally I would have voted for Ty Burrell), he is a straight man playing lovably flamingly homosexual and he does it so hysterically that he deserved the win. Sorry, Chris Colfer, you’re just as gay but slightly less huggable. But if 3 years from now, you’re still on Glee, I think you’ll win. I say that because next year, it’s Ty Burrell’s to win and the year after it will be Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Much like West Wing, they will award a different star every year til they all have one!

Voters went for Modern Family rather than fellow newcomer and odds-on favorite Glee because, well, Glee isn’t a straight comedy. The only 60 minute dramedy to ever win the award is Ally McBeal, but something tells me Glee will see gold in the next two years.  Jane Lynch did win for her role in Glee (also called it!), and she deserved it! I know Kristin Wiig IS SNL these days and Julie Bowen is fantastic on Modern Fam, but Jane Lynch is just pure comic gold on Glee. Kudos! It was obviously the end of the line for 30 Rock. Partially because voters didn’t want to award NBC anything (they only won ONE for their shows this year), but also because it’s time to bring in the new blood.

Jim Parsons picked up his first trophy for Big Bang (I was right again!). All I can say is thank God Tony Shaloub didn’t win. Sorry, Alec but there’s a new kid in town. Bazinga! And Edie Falco (an upset which I predicted!) picked up an awkward statue for Nurse Jackie, which is even less of a comedy than Glee. Voters just like her and perhaps this will give the show some much-due notoriety and press. But I don’t think she’ll win again.

Then came the reality portion. WOOHOO TOP CHEF! In what was the best season in years (100 times better than the current DC season), Top Chef FINALLY de-throned Amazing Race. The upset was that if a show was going to beat Race, people thought it would be American Idol, but the last 2 seasons of Idol have clearly gone downhill and were the weakest musically and in overall entertainment since Cowell mentally checked out and Paula physically checked out. And I am thrilled that Top Chef took the gold. Can we all agree now that Amazing Race is no longer as interesting or casted as well as it used to be? They just take OTHER reality stars and send them on an all expenses paid trip around the world. BORING.

But the real acting surprises were saved for the Drama category, where I have to say…I was wrong. I was SURE that Julianna Margulies would win for The Good Wife and she had all the momentum, but in her 5^th year as star and producer, Kyra Sedgwick got the gold. Now, I LOVE The Closer and she was great last season on it, so I’m actually very happy with this upset. Don’t worry, Julianna, you’ll win it next year!  And I’m pretty sure January Jones’ dress this year will stop her from being nominated again. Same for Lauren Graham – what the hell was she thinking?

But I digress…Bryan Cranston won (3 times in a row now) for his leading role in Breaking Bad, beating out heavy favorite Michael C Hall, who had an incredible season and beat cancer in his spare time. And for me, Hugh Laurie is the biggest continual snub in all of TV other than Bill Maher, who after 12 nominations is still coming up goose eggs. Hugh had an emotionally powerful year, even though the show itself was not up to snuff. And hello – he’s BRITISH and does a pitch perfect accent! At least next year, because of the scheduling of his show, Bryan Cranston won’t be eligible, so it will be up for grabs.

The supporting awards went to 2 first timers – Aaron Paul for Breaking Bad and Archie Panjabi for Good Wife. I am thrilled about Archie’s win – she’s a revelation on that show. And while I don’t watch Breaking Bad, I know Aaron is good. But seriously…how do you not give the award to Terry O’Quinn for playing TWO very different and difficult characters at ONCE on the last season of Lost? Come on, voters! That was disappointing. And perhaps if Martin Short’s wife had died 2 months earlier, he would have gotten the sympathy vote. What, too soon?

And of course Mad Men won the big award…whoopee. Look, I’m sure it’s a great show, and no, I don’t watch it. But I already want to punch Matthew Weiner in the face and his “assistant writer” whom he put up for the Emmy and WON (that lucky bitch isn’t even 30!). I was really disappointed that Lost (in its final season), Good Wife, Dexter and True Blood all lost to an overrated show that no one watches.  Look, I’m a TV whore, but I never said I was a TV snob. Please, let this be the last year it wins.

In other news, Conan didn’t win. But on the upside, neither did NBC. This year’s voting really shined the light on two things – what wonderful shows there are on cable and what hatred the industry has for NBC and those that run it. And after seeing the comedies they have coming up in their new season, I don’t think they will be garnering any more love anytime soon. I’ll cover TV Premiere Week in a couple weeks…stay tuned!

For mini-series and TV Movies…eh…who cares? I didn’t see any of them except “You Don’t Know Jack,” which was OK. The Pacific won, as predicted. Though I could have thought of a better way to spend $200M! In a slight surprise, Temple of Grandine won all the MOW categories. I’m happy for Claire Danes, who deserved it, but could someone tell that retarded lesbian cowboy to please sit down?

Okay, so those were the Emmys. I laughed, I cried, I screamed in frustration. This year, I was 6/7 for comedy (I guessed Glee would win), but the TV Movies and Drama category screwed me. Damn you, AMC! Damn you!!!

Until next time, keep watching! It’s good for you!